I love water. Water draws me with its sweet, cool refreshment. I love floating in the pool, wading in the ocean, or even better when I can do both at the same place not the same time. For me, trips to the beach, the pool make summers more bearable since this Southern girl would much rather freeze than melt in the heat/humidity.
Last week, I spent many hours splashing, being splashed, watching my kids splash other kids in the campground pool. The pool really is one of the best spots to people watch. You have the sun seekers who are turning about like a rotisserie chicken, the kids on 5 Hour Energy running and splashing everything moving, the teens/tweens trying to negotiate the “I’m not a kid world” and acting like a kid, parents desperately trying to watch kids and avoid being a human jungle gym…the pool offers such an amusing cast of characters.
As with our many trips to the pool, my husband and I always comment on one thing—I can’t believe he/she wore that in public! (Yes, this judgmental, I know) Growing up in a very conservative Christian church/family, I think every other message in summer youth group dealt with modesty, usually female modesty—the everything should be covered because who wants to buy the cow when you can get free milk…blah, blah, blah(insert whatever youth group message on modesty you like; it usually sounds similar to this). I remember thinking how guys always got off easy with the modesty sermon—don’t look, remove yourself from the situation, and be respectful of women. This portion usually comprised about five minutes with the rest of the focus on the ladies’ attire. The moral of the modesty message was “don’t cause others to sin” by others guys or “don’t display your goods because they don’t belong to you” since those goods (your perfect unbroken hymen, your virginity etc)belong to your future husband.
I’m not debating the need to abstain from sex or what is modest/what is not modest. What I am interested in is the patriarchal overtones within these messages of modesty, specifically, the commodifcation of the female sexuality. Either I display my sexuality through my attire, or I cover everything up, hide all markers of my female body until marriage. So basically, I can either be an angel or a whore(hmm, where have we seen this motif—oh, like EVERY major literary period). There is no middle ground. This mentality reduces female sexuality to a mere bargaining chip within the marriage market. So, women are simply a man’s property, and if we follow this logic, I can choose whose property I will be by having sex or enticing said individual.
I believe we Christians live in a fantasy world that we no longer devalue women, but when the church openly commodifies female sexuality, then women are still being treated as objects. During this chaotic transition between childhood and womanhood, teen girls do not need the messages that devalue their bodies as commodities. At the same time, I am not suggesting that the issue of modesty shouldn’t be addressed in church. There has to be a better way to negotiate these two extremes—female sexuality as commodity and no modesty sermons.
Question: How can the church teach modesty without commodifying the female body? Why is there such a disparity between women’s modesty and men’s modesty?
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This is a fascinating topic.
Many years ago in college, I worked as a summer youth minister at a rural NC church, and when I stood up to announce a new aerobics class, I made a remark about treating our bodies as temples. Just the mention of bodies raised eyebrows and earned me a few cross looks. That same summer, I was asked to talk with a girl about her immodest attire–which I had never noticed. It didn’t seem immodest to me.
I guess we have to ask ourselves how to be most like Christ in these matters. I tend to want to err on being welcoming to others, to give them grace before I offer any guidance.
You touch here on one of my biggest frustrations with the idea of modesty. I definitely am in favor of modesty, but I think a girl/woman should do it primarily to honor herself, not as something to “save” men. As my daughters grow up, I want them to understand that their bodies belong to THEM.
And the disparity, IMO, is because while we understand that our sons are aroused by visual stimulation, it terrifies us to think that our daughters might also be aroused visually. It doesn’t play into the narrative that we’ve constructed about male and female arousal. It’s very frustrating because it tells women what will and won’t arouse them, which they then buy into.
I am still asking myself these same questions. And I completely agree with your assesment on modesty and it’s ties to patriarchy. I wrote a bit about my own experience with that mentality growing up.
http://ayoungmomsmusings.blogspot.com/2010/03/my-love-hate-relationship-with-modesty.html
Hi. Visiting today from iFellowship. I think there is a way of dressing modestly while still looking feminine and like a lady. I think men are more visual and we need to, in our Christian love for them, not put a stumbling block in their path.
I know that everywhere the message is geared more for the girls to cover up, but what about the boys and the showing of their boxers? I buy belts, make the boy pull his pants up every chance I get and still, he hasn’t got the message yet. I don’t think it’s different. Both are responsible for their own actions. Boys as well as girls, need to learn to control themselves. Easier said than done, I agree.
Hi! I’m visiting from iFellowship. You have a great looking blog! I’m now following! I look forward to coming back on a less busy day!
I would love for you to come visit me @ Living Above
Have a great Wednesday!
your sis in the faith
http://www.pennyfranklin-livingaboveministries.blogspot.com
I found your blog on the ifellowship site, and, as a high school English teacher, I was totally drawn in. This post touches on a really important topic today, especially as teenage girls become more and more exploited in our media and culture. The thing that scares me is that so many of the girls I teach and minister to have no concept of messages they may, or may not be sending with their clothes. Thanks for the thoughts!
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Read this post earlier this week…coming back to comment. I grew up hearing the modesty talks often, and it sort of became like a banging drum. It’s a touchy issue – one that can’t be completely ignored in a sex-saturated society, yet one that parents and leaders enjoy harping on ad nausem. I have a daughter, and I want to make sure I deal with it in the right way.
I’m continuously baffled as to why the lack of modesty in men’s dress continues to be ignored. No one conducts surveys asking women about what men should and shouldn’t wear. And I haven’t seen one speaker, blog, book, or website devoted to appropriate Christian dress for men. What makes them qualified to say that women aren’t visually stimulated? Why makes them qualified to judge what women are wearing without first fixing their own clothes?